AWARD NIGHT AT FLEISHER: MAYBE I AM HOME

Last Friday night Fleisher Art Memorial in Philadelphia ( a free tuition art school) had there closing ceremony for the Student Show. This is where I have been taking painting classes. They were giving out awards for the different categories of art being featured in the show.

'WEEPING'                                24x30                    2012                      oil on canvas

The awards ceremony was to begin 7:00 P.M. and it was in Fleisher's historic Sanctuary chapel.  This chapel is something you just have to see.  It looks like it is from the 1700's however, I am not sure exactly how old it is. The walls are plaster frescos with painted imagery on them. The entire chapel is so ornate with tall columns, pillars, arches and decorative embellishments.  It is dark and gloomy at times and at other times it is so awe inspiring and creatively uplifting because of it's endless attention to the details.  Classes are sometimes held in this sanctuary.   There is a round sunglass window at the front of the chapel.  The altar is dressed with a crucifix and many ornate and decorative sculptures and carvings.  It is next to Fleisher's primary school class rooms and you would hardly know it was there from the street if the sunglass window and pointed roof were not there.

I went with my husband Paul and met up with a few friends that I know at Fleisher. I knew I had won an award, I just didn't know which one.  They kept that secret.  Anxiously, Paul and I went into the Sanctuary at around 7:00 P.M. and we sat down to hear the names called for each award category.  The award announcements began with some minor problems as I was the first one to be called up for an award. Go figure!  I was not looking forward to getting up in front of everyone to get my award even though it was in front of people I knew.  Hate that.  I really had the nervous jitters. I felt as though I was going to fall over when I stood up and I couldn't breathe right.  You know, basic anxiety symptoms. I didn't know where to stand and I felt like eyes were all on me. My worst nightmare was coming true. I listened to them call the other names of the artists and waited for them to come up to the podium to get their awards and to join me in the front of the Sanctuary.   I felt better having others up there with me.  After the names for painting category were called, I received my certificate and hurried back to my chair.  Oh, thank goodness, it was over.  I received my award for my abstract painting and nothing terrible happened!

I have been painting abstract since last January 2012.  I've been keeping it a secret because it is a diversion from my previous work.  One I did not need!  It is surely a change in direction for me. It actually started in an unplanned way but possibly inspired by these two things intersecting. One- since I was taking a new class, 'Painting Intuatively'( a modern art painting class) and two- because of my regular class 'Imagination, Memory and Observation'(imagery from your imagination), I was being primed subconsciously for this collision of techniques and to produce something new.

One Thursday in class, I was working on a drawing for a painting I was beginning in 'Imagination, Memory and Observation' and my instructor John thought that it was not in proportion with my drawing in my sketch book. I decided to wipe off the drawing but I felt stuck and I didn't know what I was going to do next. Then out of nowhere, and as I thought out loud, "I think I will paint an abstract painting."  This came to me from a place I did not recognize.  I had been painting still life and conceptual paintings since I began painting in 2008 and I was happy doing it, so this was definitely out of character for me. Well anyway, I went to work furiously painting without knowing really what I was doing. I only used a palette knife.  When class was over my instructor John came over and was amazed at what I had created on the canvas.  He asked how I did what I did and he told me it was great and I should paint abstract, give it a try. (Below, see the first painting that I had done)  After I painted this painting, a new direction and pathway were formed for me and I thought about trying to work in abstract for awhile to see what would develop.   Boy, was I blown away by what was to come. I would almost be totally taken over by abstract painting, form and mass.

'BEGINNING AGAIN'                   24x30                   2012                      oil on canvas

The interesting part of this journey is that when I was a teenager, I totally loved abstract and modern art. My Dad also loved it and we would talk about it when I was a kid. He was so ahead of his time (a toy designer and inventor) and he loved anything that was contemporary or modern.  We went looking for furniture (when I was 13) for our new house and most of it was totally modern.  The colors painted on our bedroom walls were totally modern.  My sister's and my bedroom was 3 walls bright yellow, one wall lime green and brown trim!  Our living room had a vanilla milkshake sofa the had a curve along the back and the carpeting was super plush royal blue that was cut on a curve going from the door to the kitchen!  This was before people realized they could cut the carpet in creative ways. My Dad was 'the bomb'.  We both had the same creative interests when I was young and we had the whole world ahead of us. Sadly, my Dad passed away one year later from a massive heart attack at the age of 40. I knew then that I had truly lost my creative friend in life... and I would never be the same,  and I haven't been.

When I began college, I wanted to work in abstract.  Then, somewhere in my early twenties my interest changed and I sort of found myself moving away from abstract art and modernism and more towards realism and impressionism when I moved to Philly and studied at Moore College of Art and Design. I don't know if it had anything to do with my Dad's death and my not wanting to remember things or not, but this is where I had been for many years. I studied graphic design and ad design in college, so I guess this might be my hanging on to the modern art world?   I'm not sure now if I am comfortable painting in an abstract technique yet, but I am making my way through the process. I feel the fear of beginning each new painting. I can't say that I will move away from conceptual art because it is dear to my heart, but I like the free and expressive energy that is released when painting in an abstract way.  I love the freedom of moving the paint around the canvas and not knowing exactly where I am going only to find a image emerge on the canvas. I am producing a lot and finding the process interesting.  It is funny that all my adult years I had no interest in abstract art and here I am coming full circle to my childhood and all the things I loved about art.  I am thinking about many things I had forgotten about myself and remembering all the things I wanted to be and do. I am thinking about being a child and having all the opportunities in front of me.  I am thinking... Maybe, I am home.

You might be wondering,"which award did I win?".  The answer is, I won the Honorable Mention Award for Painting. I am excited and I realize that I am forging a new direction which is like coming around to greeting a new, yet at the same time old friend.

I will be putting up some of my new abstract paintings soon so stay tuned for a change in direction and mood.  Leave a comment as to what you think of this new style of painting I am taking on.

MY HEAD INJURY AND MYSTERIOUS OBSESSION WITH PAINTING

As I have been wanting to do, I would like to share some more info with you about the head injury I had some 3 years ago. In a nutshell, I had a huge, at least 7-10  lb. ceramic vase/vessel fall on the top of my head or "clunked" me on the head, while I was loading some pottery on a wobbly shelf.   If you are interested to learn more about how it happened, check out the post in my blog MIND GIGGLES TM.  There you will get the details of the accident before and after it happened.

THE SECRET
OIL ON CANVAS 30x40 
(c) Loren Fidalgo 2010
Since the "clunk" on the head,, I have had an addition and change in the direction of my creative passion and interests.  Prior head injury, I was primarily passionate about graphic arts, and illustration.  I was mainly pursuing a career in art licensing working with pastels and colored pencil. I never thought of painting as a medium for myself and I was not interested in the fine arts as a career.  But, something changed in me after the injury, some thing that I do not have an explanation for.  Although, I  still working on illustration and graphics, I have begun to furiously start painting and working in mixed media.  The ideas for painting have been coming from my heart.    Some time soon after the injury, I signed up for a painting, drawing and watercolor class which was "odd" for me, and although I was painting still lives in class, which I now loved (also odd for me) I was painting images from a deeper place in my heart at home from a deeper place in my heart.  You can see some of these still life paintings here and my fantasy paintings here. 

After being "clunked" on the head,  I have found that I want to create more meaningful and thoughtful images and pieces of art.  I am much more interested in expressing my emotions in my work.  I feel compelled to express my deeper feelings, thoughts and ideas.  I have made changes and choices in the ideas for paintings and mixed media works and they have also taken a turn in subject matter. Although, I have always been strongly interested in concept and ideas,  I have now become interested in expression of feelings and life experiences.  This is an amazement to me.  I have been shocked at the depth of my despair at times that has been coming out of my heart and soul and portrayed in my work. I find myself compelled now to express not only my joyful and exuberant feelings but now my sorrow, depression, pain and challenging feelings about my life in a way that I did not know existed. I am having to face and question some of my experiences of my life presently and as most artists do at some time, I am also facing experiences from my childhood traumas.  (UGGHH!!! this is a topic that in full is still too deep to share here).  Although I am not one to often wear my deep feelings of sorrow on my sleeve, and share it with others, I am for some reason expressing it in my paintings and art. Go figure! 

SEARCHING FOR MEANING
OIL ON CANVAS 18x24
(c) Loren Fidalgo 2010

 So as you see, things have changed creatively for me and I am just hanging on for the ride.  I wonder if anyone has experienced this same sort of shift in consciousness and focus from an accident or head injury?  I was "clunked" on the left side on top of my head and since I did not show signs of a concussion, it appeared that nothing was injured internally.  The only signs and symptoms are these changes in my obsession with painting and mixed media, and a change in my perception of color. which I talk about it in my blog MIND GIGGLES TM  So, as I have said, "Is my huge obsession with painting a coincidence or a direct result from being "clunked" on the head from a 6 lb ceramic vase? You be the judge."