FORTY YEARS AGO TODAY I LOST MY DAD

Forty years ago today, on a cold and dark Oct 6^{th  1974}, my Dad tragically passed away from a massive heart attack.  He was only 40 years old!  I had just turned 14. There are no words to express the tragedy of my Dad’s passing and the chaos that my siblings and I went through as well as our Uncle Ron and Gram.  I started this post by writing about the details of the tragic day my Dad passed, but found that it was just too personal at this time and possibly too long of a story to tell.  All I can say is for me it was a nightmare that has had no end.

I want to share a story about my Dad from when I was a young girl. When I was in Home Economics class, I think it was 7^th grade.  We had to go to the store to get fabric and decorative ribbon for a tote bag that we were making in class.  Well, my Dad took me to the fabric store on Rte. 37 just by Hooper Ave.  I don’t remember the name but I can clearly remember the building.  Well, anyhow, we went in to the store and we looked at the fabric. My Dad was in his element, ‘color’!  He was so good at picking out colors and matching them up to each other. I could see he was in heaven with color and patterns.  We chose a bright shocking fuschia color for the outside. We chose a tiny flower pattern for the inside that matched up so beautifully.  Then we picked out the ribbon for the handles and this is where my Dad came to life even more.  I remember the ribbon being about 2 inches wide and it was so beautiful with flowers and shades of pink, fuschia , purples and metallic thread on it. When I think back, it was the most expensive of all the ribbon like it, but Dad wanted me to get it.  He would not have it any other way. He said to me, “ this is the prettiest in the store and I think you should have it”!  So off to the cutting table we went.

I share this story because it is such a reflection of the man, Dad, toy designer and son he was. What Dad in 1973 took their daughter to the fabric store and picks out pink, fuschia and flower patterned fabric? He was so natural and like he was where he was supposed to be at that moment in time.  My Dad was there, because he knew he had to.  My heart was relying on it.

To this day I don’t know what happened to that tote bag.  I usually save important things from people I love and I do, have some of the fuschia fabric and it is Vintage 43 years old!

I miss my Dad and I think of him in some way everyday.  He was a hard Dad to forget.  As my Mom has passed now too,  I hope they are sharing a life together some where in heaven, or if not somewhere in the Universe.  Someday I will see him again, and we will  be able to talk shop!!

Cheers,

Loren

 

ABOUT LOOSING MY DAD WHEN HE WAS 40.

MY DAD AROUND 36 OR 37 YEARS OLD.  BOY, HE WAS HANDSOME!

I can hardly belieive that it has been 39 years today Oct 6th that my wonderful Dad passed away. It always feels like it was just yeaterday.  He has been gone almost as long as he lived.  He was only 40 years old and full of life and fun.  To me, my Dad was the best there could be.  Everyone who knew him, knows how special he was.  Approaching this day has been very emotional since my Mom and my Gram have passed away so close together within the last 2 1/2 years.  There has been a lot of sadness around these significant days.  I have been thinking so much about my Dad the past week or so.  He used to appear in my dreams but I haven't had one for sometime now.  I was sharing the dream with a friend in painting class and she responded that this is definitely a sign that there is another side and he was reaching out for us.

OUR VERY FIRST VACATION AT NIAGRA FALLS.  MY DAD WAS ESTATICALLY JOYFUL.

I want to share this dream with you... it would go something like this......
My siblings and I are in a 'super market' and we see my Dad in the Produce aisle.  I run up to him sobbing and call to him, "Daddy, Daddy, where have you been?'  He replies,"I've been living in the house across the street ,(my Gram's old house) and I have been watching over you"  "But why did  you leave us"?  Unfortunately, there is no answer because I wake up too soon.  Ahhh...if I could only get an answer.
I tell this dream for everyone who knew my Dad and remembers him, that he is indeed somewhere on a higher plane in the universe or in heaven and one day we will see him again.

I THINK THIS PHOTO IS FROM OUR SECOND VACATION AT FORT HENRY, NEW YORK.

I posted some of the very meaningful and emotional photos of us kids and my Dad on our very first vacaction in Niagra Falls, Canada.  I think I was 10 or 11 and my Dad was 36 or 37 years old.  My Dad was so happy because he felt like for the first time we were living like a 'normal' family.  No one knew, not even him that he would tragically leave us at the young age of 40 and we would never be a 'normal' family again.

MY DAD FOOLING AROUND WITH ME, AND MY TWO COUSINS KAREN AND JILL.

ALL US KIDS WITH MY DAD.  NOT SURE WHERE THIS WAS TAKEN.

So for today as everyday, I am missing my Dad and all that could have been had he not left us so soon.
I am missing all that my siblings and I could have been had we finished our childhood years with a father ( and a mother) raising us until we were adults.  I ponder what would have been possible for all of us and what different directions we all might have taken had we had a 'normal' family.? Ahhh... what might or could have been?

Thanks for reading this post.
Loren