FORTY YEARS AGO TODAY I LOST MY DAD

Forty years ago today, on a cold and dark Oct 6^{th  1974}, my Dad tragically passed away from a massive heart attack.  He was only 40 years old!  I had just turned 14. There are no words to express the tragedy of my Dad’s passing and the chaos that my siblings and I went through as well as our Uncle Ron and Gram.  I started this post by writing about the details of the tragic day my Dad passed, but found that it was just too personal at this time and possibly too long of a story to tell.  All I can say is for me it was a nightmare that has had no end.

I want to share a story about my Dad from when I was a young girl. When I was in Home Economics class, I think it was 7^th grade.  We had to go to the store to get fabric and decorative ribbon for a tote bag that we were making in class.  Well, my Dad took me to the fabric store on Rte. 37 just by Hooper Ave.  I don’t remember the name but I can clearly remember the building.  Well, anyhow, we went in to the store and we looked at the fabric. My Dad was in his element, ‘color’!  He was so good at picking out colors and matching them up to each other. I could see he was in heaven with color and patterns.  We chose a bright shocking fuschia color for the outside. We chose a tiny flower pattern for the inside that matched up so beautifully.  Then we picked out the ribbon for the handles and this is where my Dad came to life even more.  I remember the ribbon being about 2 inches wide and it was so beautiful with flowers and shades of pink, fuschia , purples and metallic thread on it. When I think back, it was the most expensive of all the ribbon like it, but Dad wanted me to get it.  He would not have it any other way. He said to me, “ this is the prettiest in the store and I think you should have it”!  So off to the cutting table we went.

I share this story because it is such a reflection of the man, Dad, toy designer and son he was. What Dad in 1973 took their daughter to the fabric store and picks out pink, fuschia and flower patterned fabric? He was so natural and like he was where he was supposed to be at that moment in time.  My Dad was there, because he knew he had to.  My heart was relying on it.

To this day I don’t know what happened to that tote bag.  I usually save important things from people I love and I do, have some of the fuschia fabric and it is Vintage 43 years old!

I miss my Dad and I think of him in some way everyday.  He was a hard Dad to forget.  As my Mom has passed now too,  I hope they are sharing a life together some where in heaven, or if not somewhere in the Universe.  Someday I will see him again, and we will  be able to talk shop!!

Cheers,

Loren

 

NEW PAINTING FEATURED 'ON MY EASEL'

'HERES LOOKING AT YOU, KID!'  2012  oil on canvas  (c) Loren Fidalgo 2012

Well, it's time for an 'on my EASEL' painting to be featured on my blog and this painting is a little different than I usually talk about.  Maybe it is because I posted my painting, 'CHUNKY, CHUNKY GIRL' yesterday and it just put me in a funny and light hearted mood? Yeahhh..., yesterday's painting post,  it's still cracking me up!   So here goes another round...

When I first started this painting in 2012, I was really interested in faces and depicting the human face in my sketches and paintings. I usually love to add these big super huge cheeks to illustrate the delight and charm of my characters.  That's not to say that my faces are always happy and elated.  Sometimes they are somber and suffering with despair.  (that's a subject for another post) For this post, I will be focusing on this particular painting 'Here's looking at you, kid!' and the joyful nature of this girl and her suitor who came to give her his heart.

In one of my painting classes I was taking at the time of this painting, I was doing a lot of sketches in my book and the idea was that they were supposed to be from my imagination and/or a memory from something I saw during my day.. In this class, I learned to draw from lightly scribbling on the paper and watching until eventually something would emerge from the scribbling  Maybe it was from my imagination or maybe even a dream?.  Well, most of my scribble drawings I drew became faces of people with a lot of interesting features that had a lot of character.  When I first started painting, I would paint large red and round circles for cheeks and then around 2010, I started creating these paintings with these round, ball cheeks that seemed to be popping out of the faces and off the canvases..  What the large cheeks truly meant, I did not know however, I kept drawing and painting them.

In this painting , she has really large cheeks as I have mentioned  and she seems to be just thrilled with who she is and what she is about. (so I think.  I haven't asked her!).  She is delighted with the little male bird has chosen to make it's way over to her to give her his heart.  He reaches his beak up to her while holding the little red heart as symbolism  for his literal heart. This bird surely wants to give himself to her.   The excitement on her face is clearly evident and it reminds me of the place I was in emotionally when I painted her.  She seems somewhat coquetious, and a little kooky as if she is so proud of herself and why shouldn't she be?  I wasn't feeling in the same mood when I painted her, so I don't know where I pulled this image from my mind, that has such a euphoric tone. Possibly, it was from another part of my mind that I was not accessing at the time I was painting?  That happens to me sometimes. Maybe it happens to you, too?   For me, I will paint and just be in the 'zone' so deeply that may not be conscious of what I am expressing.  Sometimes, I don't know for months or years as in this painting what it is truly about. And the colors...I also don't know why I chose to paint with the colors I did?

This painting is in oils and in this painting the colors are Naples Yellow, Cadmium Red, Titanium White, Cerealean Blue, Ultramarine Blue, Ivory Black and Cadmium Yellow.  I love to paint faces in yellows and warm colors.  I especially love to use Naples Yellow in my faces.  I know it can be tricky color to use and sometimes it can be overused, but at the time I had seemed to be taken to it and loved the buttery consistency and texture. .  I used Utrecht Brand oils then and I still do. I love them and they meet my needs.

So that's a wrap up for 'on my EASEL'.  I hope you enjoyed this one?  I think I am still discovering what my paintings are all about and I like to share the journey of discovery with you.  Keep reading my posts and please feel free and easy to leave a comment if you would like?  I'd love to hear what you are thinking and feeling?

Cheers for now,
Loren

The 2013 ANNUAL FRIENDS AND FAMILY CHRISTMAS CARD DESIGN REVEALED

Hey guys...it's time to reveal the new Christmas Card Design for 2013.  The cards have all been sent out and hopefully opened by now, so I can show you what I have been up to!

This design was inspired by a expression that my Gram who passed away last year,  would often say when she was confused or trying to focus on something.  She would get mildly frustrated and say, "Wait, wait. I'm all balled up!" I always thought it was so funny when she would say it.   I never knew exactly what she meant when I was growing up, but now I surely do and so does this 'funny snowman'.

The card design was created by hand with black ink.  It was then scanned into the computer and the colors were added to it. I really struggled to get all of the elements to look right and also fit into an envelope at the same time.  I shuffled some things around, cut and paste and found a good place for everything. This 'funny guy' was then cleaned up some and printed out onto card stock to check it out. When all was good, I took them to my printer guy 'Joe' who had me email a copy of the file to him. He printed them out, all on one side on white card stock. They were waiting for me when I picked them up and they looked so cute all in one stack. Now I knew I had to get a move on. 

I knew I had to get down to work because I did not have much time to get them completed and mailed out, too.  I began by cutting them out all the way around the image with scissors leaving a small white border. Little papers were everywhere.  Next I scored and folded them into 3 panels.  The first panel reads, 'I've been a snowman all my life...' The second reads 'but this Christmas has me...' The third reads, 'all balled up! and 'Happy Holidays to you!'  It's kind of confusing to write it out this way, so looking at the photos will surely help.  The card was finally adorned with some colored glitter then left to dry.  When they were done, I started to address them and put them in the envelopes.

Everything about this 'funny snowman' but his hat and one boot is dishelved and out of place.  I thought that this truly reflects what my Gram was saying when she felt overwhelmed.  I know my family and friends and those who knew Gram will surely know what this card is about.  So the next time you get confused or frustrated, just say out loud or to yourself, "I'm all balled up!"  Maybe you will remember this card?

Below are some more photos...

Well, I hope you like this year's design and find that it ranks somewhere up at the top?  Feel free to leave a comment.  I'd love to read what you think.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Cheers, 

Loren

ABOUT LOOSING MY DAD WHEN HE WAS 40.

MY DAD AROUND 36 OR 37 YEARS OLD.  BOY, HE WAS HANDSOME!

I can hardly belieive that it has been 39 years today Oct 6th that my wonderful Dad passed away. It always feels like it was just yeaterday.  He has been gone almost as long as he lived.  He was only 40 years old and full of life and fun.  To me, my Dad was the best there could be.  Everyone who knew him, knows how special he was.  Approaching this day has been very emotional since my Mom and my Gram have passed away so close together within the last 2 1/2 years.  There has been a lot of sadness around these significant days.  I have been thinking so much about my Dad the past week or so.  He used to appear in my dreams but I haven't had one for sometime now.  I was sharing the dream with a friend in painting class and she responded that this is definitely a sign that there is another side and he was reaching out for us.

OUR VERY FIRST VACATION AT NIAGRA FALLS.  MY DAD WAS ESTATICALLY JOYFUL.

I want to share this dream with you... it would go something like this......
My siblings and I are in a 'super market' and we see my Dad in the Produce aisle.  I run up to him sobbing and call to him, "Daddy, Daddy, where have you been?'  He replies,"I've been living in the house across the street ,(my Gram's old house) and I have been watching over you"  "But why did  you leave us"?  Unfortunately, there is no answer because I wake up too soon.  Ahhh...if I could only get an answer.
I tell this dream for everyone who knew my Dad and remembers him, that he is indeed somewhere on a higher plane in the universe or in heaven and one day we will see him again.

I THINK THIS PHOTO IS FROM OUR SECOND VACATION AT FORT HENRY, NEW YORK.

I posted some of the very meaningful and emotional photos of us kids and my Dad on our very first vacaction in Niagra Falls, Canada.  I think I was 10 or 11 and my Dad was 36 or 37 years old.  My Dad was so happy because he felt like for the first time we were living like a 'normal' family.  No one knew, not even him that he would tragically leave us at the young age of 40 and we would never be a 'normal' family again.

MY DAD FOOLING AROUND WITH ME, AND MY TWO COUSINS KAREN AND JILL.

ALL US KIDS WITH MY DAD.  NOT SURE WHERE THIS WAS TAKEN.

So for today as everyday, I am missing my Dad and all that could have been had he not left us so soon.
I am missing all that my siblings and I could have been had we finished our childhood years with a father ( and a mother) raising us until we were adults.  I ponder what would have been possible for all of us and what different directions we all might have taken had we had a 'normal' family.? Ahhh... what might or could have been?

Thanks for reading this post.
Loren