NEW LANDSCAPE PAINTING + SOME THOUGHTS

'THE CALLING'         24 x 18        acrylic on canvas     (c) Loren Fidalgo 2016

Hey guys...it's Loren here.  I want to share this painting with you.  It's titled, 'THE CALLING'. 

 I was looking at this painting after completing it and one day I realized why I had titled it, 'THE CALLING'. I was thinking about how when looking at the center of the painting, it pulls me in like I am on a path, a road and a journey like someone, something is calling me.   I have had experiences in my life that felt like a calling but never in the way that I was called to paint.  I write about this in my blog.  I write about how I was struck on the head by a ceramic vase and approx. 1 month later, I began to have this compelling, need, desire and compulsion to paint, to express myself through oil painting.  You can read more about this story here.

Since the day I had the head injury, I have been painting and creating art more furiously and I am finding myself on this surprising journey. I have this need to express myself more deeply and to touch others with my interpretation of my world, my consciousness and my creative life that is filled with so many ideas, thoughts and feelings.  I have had a very traumatic child hood and I have dealt with serious illness my entire adult life..  These experiences have made me the creative being I am today.  I have a need to share my story and I hope that it resonates with you the reader.  How do I do this and at the same time keep the privacy that I need to have?  I ask myself these questions everyday.  I wonder and I go back and forth over this issue everyday.   

So, this painting,'THE CALLING' I believe is a communication, a revealing about where I am at this point in my creative expression and my personal world.  It''s about  always trying to find my way in this crazy maze I call 'life'!

Cheers,

Loren

ABOUT LOOSING MY DAD WHEN HE WAS 40.

MY DAD AROUND 36 OR 37 YEARS OLD.  BOY, HE WAS HANDSOME!

I can hardly belieive that it has been 39 years today Oct 6th that my wonderful Dad passed away. It always feels like it was just yeaterday.  He has been gone almost as long as he lived.  He was only 40 years old and full of life and fun.  To me, my Dad was the best there could be.  Everyone who knew him, knows how special he was.  Approaching this day has been very emotional since my Mom and my Gram have passed away so close together within the last 2 1/2 years.  There has been a lot of sadness around these significant days.  I have been thinking so much about my Dad the past week or so.  He used to appear in my dreams but I haven't had one for sometime now.  I was sharing the dream with a friend in painting class and she responded that this is definitely a sign that there is another side and he was reaching out for us.

OUR VERY FIRST VACATION AT NIAGRA FALLS.  MY DAD WAS ESTATICALLY JOYFUL.

I want to share this dream with you... it would go something like this......
My siblings and I are in a 'super market' and we see my Dad in the Produce aisle.  I run up to him sobbing and call to him, "Daddy, Daddy, where have you been?'  He replies,"I've been living in the house across the street ,(my Gram's old house) and I have been watching over you"  "But why did  you leave us"?  Unfortunately, there is no answer because I wake up too soon.  Ahhh...if I could only get an answer.
I tell this dream for everyone who knew my Dad and remembers him, that he is indeed somewhere on a higher plane in the universe or in heaven and one day we will see him again.

I THINK THIS PHOTO IS FROM OUR SECOND VACATION AT FORT HENRY, NEW YORK.

I posted some of the very meaningful and emotional photos of us kids and my Dad on our very first vacaction in Niagra Falls, Canada.  I think I was 10 or 11 and my Dad was 36 or 37 years old.  My Dad was so happy because he felt like for the first time we were living like a 'normal' family.  No one knew, not even him that he would tragically leave us at the young age of 40 and we would never be a 'normal' family again.

MY DAD FOOLING AROUND WITH ME, AND MY TWO COUSINS KAREN AND JILL.

ALL US KIDS WITH MY DAD.  NOT SURE WHERE THIS WAS TAKEN.

So for today as everyday, I am missing my Dad and all that could have been had he not left us so soon.
I am missing all that my siblings and I could have been had we finished our childhood years with a father ( and a mother) raising us until we were adults.  I ponder what would have been possible for all of us and what different directions we all might have taken had we had a 'normal' family.? Ahhh... what might or could have been?

Thanks for reading this post.
Loren